Friday, March 10, 2006

Venting!

Since this is a journal of sorts, I think it's okay for me to vent!
I usually feel better about things after I get them out on "paper".

Where to start? I apologize now for any rambling that might occur. In fact, I'm sure it will.

We went to Ryans grandparents yesterday, to give his grandma her birthday card, and to visit. (which was my idea, ha! dumb idea on my part).
We were there for a total of maybe 20 minutes.
She probaly called me lazy 4-5 times.

It started by us walking in, I was holding Kilynn, and sat down on the couch. While everyone was saying Hi to Luke and Ryan. Than Ryans grandfather turned towards Kilynn and said "well who's this?" (playfully). Ryans grandma turns around and says "Well, piss on them".
Okay, for one. I don't care if she was joking around or not, you don't say that to Kilynn.
Kilynn looked at her as though thinking " what'd I do?".
Then, she was talking to Ryan about work, etc.
And she said "Why don't you send her to work? She's lazy" " What does she do all day? Sit on her butt" "lazy, lazy".
Then a few minutes later, Ryan was changing Lukes diaper. She said "Why don't I ever see you change him? Because you're lazy!".
I admit, most of the time we've been there, Ryan been the one to change diapers. Mostly because I'm afraid of getting the damn floor dirty or something (they are that bad).

But she repeatly called me lazy. She said a couple others things, but I can't hardly remember them.

She's done this in the past. Once calling me a "bad mommy" . I had taken a bite off Kilynns plate when she was about 9 months old. I was trying to get Kilynn to eat it too. But Grandma said "That's why she isn't eating, because mommy eats all her food".

I could go on, but I won't.

What's funny is when we saw them last at Christmas, she was so pleasant!

In the past, I've let it all go, and accepted that's just how she is. But this last time just turned me off.
What's ironic is I typically am the one telling Ryan that we need to go visit them, they need to see the kids, etc.
They don't ever call and invite us over. They've never been to our house, in three years.
Which if fine, they are older and like living like hermits.. But the few times we've called to go over. They have some reason we shouldn't.
So, they rarely see the kids. Yet, she blames it on us, that the kids don't know her.
I've made the effort. Ryans grandpa is fine, he's never said anything rude to me.

It's just really hard for me, because family is SO important to me.
I try to make sure my kids know there relatives, near and far. I want them to know their history. I'd love for them to know their great-grandparents. Lots of kids don't even get the chance.
I just don't understand, I guess.
.

I don't blame Ryan for any of this, it's just the way they are. He tries standing up for me. The best he can.
I could stand up for myself, but it's hard because I've been raised to respect my elders, but lately, she's making that hard. But really, it woudn't do any good. I think once someone did mention her behavior to her, she just blew it off as joking. Some people are just set in "their ways".
Even if she's "joking". It's bad taste..
Honestly, I've never done anything to her. I visit, I send pictures, cards.
I try. Or atleast, I did. I'm not anymore.

Okay, I feel better now. Ryan and I talked about it last night. But I always like to write things, it's theraputic for me.

Sorry, that ended up being quite long!




3 comments:

Blogging Miles said...

I know how you feel...I really do. There's no excuse for such bad behavior, but it's not like you can change her at her age.

Here's how we handle it: limited contact. It is important for kids to know family, but they don't need to be constantly exposed to the rudeness.

I would be open with Kilynn, though. Just tell her that sometimes the things that "grandma" says can be rude and we don't talk to people that way. Explain to her that we visit because she's family and we ignore her bad behavior because she has her own problems that are affecting her ;)

Jonara Blu said...

OH my goodness..sounds like G'ma T is loosing it! (This is Kim's sister in law by the way for any one else who reads this comment.) I had no idea she was getting so onrey (sp) in her old age..I knew she has always been 'different' and yes very picky about her house..but I think she's loosing it in her old age. Dont you feel bad for what you are feeling..she is very wrong in what she is saying..but I doubt anything will change her. I"m so sorry you have to deal with this..I never see those g'parents so I don't know what goes on. You are the SWEETEST person and do not need to be treated that way..no one does. She must forget what it's like to raise two kids! I had some issues with my mother in law..whom I loved very much...I have known her since I was 11 years old..so it wasn't your usual not getting along with the mother in law situation. she was different (a total diva) and she was rude to my parents and there were problems because of it. I tried to never take it personaly and looked at it as if she was sick..mentally..and I would tell my son that..that we still love her..but she's got some problems with her ability to think and talk to people in the proper way..it's not right what she says and does, but some people are sick that way. It's hard cuz Kiley is to young to understand that..but mostly I think she won't notice the things that are said.

CRYSTAL said...

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I WOULD THINK SHE WOULD BE HAPPY THAT RYAN IS SUCH A GOOD DAD. AND DOING STUFF WITH THE KIDS.
BUT SHE IS OLD AND BACK IN THE DAYS THE WOMAN ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF THE KIDS. BUT THAT IS WROUNG DON'T GO OVER ANYMORE IF SHE WANTS TO SEE THE KIDS THEY CAN COME TO YOU.